Wall-E just loves Eva so much, but she doesn’t get it. He does everything he can for her, but she just doesn’t get it. She’s absolutely clueless. Until trying circumstances and an outside influence make her realize that he’d do anything for her. Such a terribbly emotional movie for a cartoon.
Well, had a fucking meltdown in the car while driving. Complete, uncontrolled rage. Beating the shit out of my steering wheel, yelling as loud as I fucking could. Tonight has been far too much for me. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Stupid fucking night. I fucking hate having to make sure everyone’s okay because they’re too fucked up to let me know what’s going on. Feel like once I move out I’m just going to cut off contact with everyone and hide from the world for a while.
Why would you do that….
Today is one of the kind of days where I feel like I’m more able to emotionally connect with other people, and myself. A lot of thinking happened today, my thoughts were going non-stop. I’m going to be looking for a place to move into this weekend, which I am both stressed and excited for. My first time being on my own completely. I feel like it’s going to test my abilities to budget myself and be responsible. I feel like it’ll be a good opportunity to grow and develop and learn who I am.
I feel like adulthood has almost been pushed on me a little bit too early, but I can weather the changes. I always do. I’ll make it work.
Besides that, really missing what we had before. To the point where I feel like maybe I’ll just be single for a really, really long time, and learn to be comfortable with it. I guess I already am, I’ve been single a lot, and I’m good at it, but it’s just not ideal to me. I like the comforts of a relationship. Like being able to talk about what makes you happy, what makes you sad. Waking up in the morning and first thing you see is the one you love. Doing things together that make us both happy. Appreciating life, beauty, and the world together.
But I don’t have that anymore, and I’m going to have to learn to deal with it.
Works going good. The guys at work are starting to take a shining to me, and understanding the kind of person I am, which is really good. Just kind of have a problem with my boss though. He doesn’t seem to understand how hard I work, and how much I’ve grown in the two and a half months I’ve been there. I’m going to ask for a raise tomorrow. Hoping so bad that I get it. I really need this.
Guess that’s it for now. Thoughts out.
Guess I’m looking for a place to live this weekend.
Know what? Fuck it. It’s my car and I now. Time to start this project. It’s what I need.
Haven’t been home in about a week. First time home since. Haven’t even gotten out of my car yet and I already feel depressed and lonely. Home is a breeding ground for unhappiness.
Today was one of the days I missed her the most. Frustrating day at work, the kind of day where when I’d get bothered about something, I would be able to just think about how we’d be hanging out later, how we’d maybe have a bath, sit around, drink tea, cuddle and watch Disney movies, and just talk about the things that make us happy. But I don’t have that anymore, and it kills me.
You know, it really sucks when everything is completely out of your control even though you’re involved in what’s going on. It’s the biggest feeling of helplessness that I’ve ever experienced.
